Comments on: Which came first Second Life or the messed-up marriage?

By: David

David — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 06:00:19 +0000

I happen to be a single (in RL and also in SL) who goes to SL. I seperate my RL and SL as much as I can. I clearly state this on my profile, yet you would not believe how many unhappily married house wives come after my ass asking for my personal information. They ask things like if I were single, what I look like in RL, etc. Why the hell can’t they respect someone’s wish not to get invloved online? If I wanted to find a partner, I would be searching for her in my REAL LIFE.

By: Sweetpea

Sweetpea — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 14:14:53 +0000

I stumbled on this site while looking at my EX-hubby’s web history. I was an SL addict. I met lots of interesting people…a few were very dear friends. I spent a great deal of time playing SL. As most people I entered SL out of curiosity after seeing a segment on GMA about it a few years ago. I quickly learned my way around SL. I learned creative things there. I learned about different lifestyles. I met people from all over the world. It was so much fun..I compare it sometimes to playing with Barbies because i was able to dress and make my AV sexy and beautiful. I could be or do anything i wished in SL. At different times I was a vampire, a Gorean Mistress, A slave, A lycan, a Biker, a builder, a model…I did skydiving, bullriding, surfing, hanggliding dancing,visited amusement parks, went to concerts, visited sims that were amazingly beautiful. My marriage was NOT good years before I found SL, but my EX insists that SL ruined our marriage. I stayed in SL because I was definitely lacking attention and support in my real life. Since I left my hubby I have entered into a very fulfilling relationship and no longer have the need to be in SL. I do miss a few friends I met there, but my relationship now is so good I don’t need it now.I think people that have never experienced online friendships can’t understand that they are as REAL as physical friendships.

By: Anonimo (edited)

Anonimo (edited) — Fri, 01 May 2009 17:00:23 +0000

@Sam
to your 4 last questions:

1)Would Second Life be as appealing if it was like a gameboy game or a mario game in format?

For sure not.

2) Would Second Life be as appealing if it was like a gameboy game or a mario game in format?

Well, some people, few, make real money in second life and can live with the money they obtain.
I particulary have learn a lot of things using second life, the challenges are hard but not the kind of challenges of other games, instead, to compete in doing something good you must learn other softwares, I did learn a lot about photoshop, incredible things, motivated by second life, and it can really make you use your brain as for certain things you need scripts, etc..

3) On Second Life can you have kids with the other person in your relationship?

hehe, only in sl but I particualry think this is stupid.

4) Are you filling a void with Second Life that you should be filling with God?

I dont think so, but something is missing in live to make people go in a Second Life.

By: Anonimo

Anonimo — Fri, 01 May 2009 16:57:28 +0000

@Sam
to your 4 last questions:

For sure not.

hehe, only in sl but I particualry think this is stupid.

Are you filling a void with Second Life that you should be filling with God?

I dont think so, but something is missing in live to make people go in a Second Life.

By: Sam

Sam — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 03:44:37 +0000

There have been a lot of posts regarding Second Life and how it has had in impact on people’s real life. In most cases, it appears that people are engaging in more open and honest relationships on Second Life than in their real lives. Some people have been able to take things that they have learned and apply it to their real lives, other people have taken their relationships on Second Life to a very greater level. People tell of affairs and cheating on Second Life. People tell of finding a better love and experiencing a better, if not an entirely new expression of that love. So people are finding that they relate more to their lives on Second Life than their lives in their real life.

Okay, so what is also being said is that these people relate better to a stranger that they have never actually met or actually seen… than the person they once thought may be their significant other. Then perhaps there is a lack of ability to communicate on one or both sides of the real life relationship. Maybe in a place where one doesn’t have to be one’s self entirely, it is easier to speak about one’s personal life. Perhaps in a place where people are only the pixelized version of a real person, it is easier to speak of deeper emotions. What is being said is that people can’t achieve the same essence of love in their real life as they can on Second Life.

Is that a true statement? Is Second Life a place where people can achieve more than they ever could in their real life? I hope your response to that question is the exact same and precisely definite response as mine. It’s true that Second Life offers much more oppertunity and wealth and substance and affection and effection, than most peoples real lives could ever hope to offer. But is that a reason to continue investing the money (Actual, real money) and time into Second Life… Or is it a reason to finally start taking the initiative in one’s REAL life.

So you have trouble making friends, go to a place where REAL peole are.
Well, I don’t know where to go… Try a place where there is music you like, people you think you could like, and food you like (I hate to insinuate bar’s where drinking takes place, so going to church activities or community activities are an alternative )
My significant other doesn’t like/want to talk to me… Well, give communication a couple more tries, then GET OUT of the relationship or get some counseling.
Get involved in your REAL life in the REAL world. It truly is yours for the taking.

A couple more questions for you to ponder, sorry for the length of the post

Would Second Life be as appealing if it was like a gameboy game or a mario game in format?
Can you obtain anything on Second Life that one’s parent’s or grandparents would be proud of you for?
On Second Life can you have kids with the other person in your relationship?
Are you filling a void with Second Life that you should be filling with God?

By: Zander Kiranov

Zander Kiranov — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 03:35:52 +0000

I found love in Second Life- a love far stronger than I ever imagined was left in me after two failed marriages and a third that is on a steady decline despite my best efforts. However, as I am daddy to two beautiful children I have no intention of abandoning them for my SL love, and my SL love and I are in accord with that. Does my SL romance take anything away from my First Life marriage? No, nothing that wasn’t already lacking, or on the decline. My SL love is in a similar situation, minus the children, though. We know we each have our separate First Lives to deal with, for better or worse, yet we know in our hearts that we are meant to be together someday, somehow. To that end, we are prepared to keep our love under wraps for the long haul and when or if, in the future, we find ourselves in a different personal situation we will come together then and only then. The love I feel for my SL partner is far stronger than I ever imagined it could be, and if it comes to pass we are able to act upon our feelings for one another- in a legally and morally clear manner, that is- we are more than ready to give ourselves a chance to see where life takes us. Love- the kind that takes your breath away and makes you feel sick when you’re apart- is hard enough to find in today’s world; we are lucky to have found it in the most unlikely place and each and every day I thank my lucky stars to have someone in my life as wonderful as she.

By: SL's enemy

SL's enemy — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 00:18:40 +0000

Load of crap!
Nothing exists in a vacuum, but that is not a justification for betraying one’s spouse.
We can look for the reason anybody ever does anything wrong, but it’s still wrong.
The thief doesn’t usually do it for the thrill. He may be poor or hungry.

By: JORDAN BLACKWELL

JORDAN BLACKWELL — Sun, 06 Jul 2008 18:49:30 +0000

Well being on SL myself and my wife is as well… but she was the one that started having the affaire, telling me it was alll sl, but people a emotional affaire is still a affair
and wether the marriage needs work or not it takes two to work a marriage and three
just dosent work, rl life is work and can be wonderful, add in 4 kids, and it can also be taxing, but if you decide to turn to something else in sl thats your choice and dont blame it on something you gave up on.
i do blame the other guy by the way, and a1 from sl i hope karma bites him in the ass.

By: Roisin

Roisin — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 23:09:34 +0000

I know quite a few people in SL who are, unfortunately, hiding their SL activities from their RL partners. They’re heading for trouble, clearly. I also know a fair number who are able to be in SL, having online relationships with others, with the full knowledge and approval of their RL partners.

These are people who recognize that no one person can meet another’s entire list of needs and that marriage will go through cycles in which it feels uninspired. That doesn’t mean the marriage is broken, necessarily. If all involved parties (including spouses) recognize and accept the online relationships as a combination of friendship and roleplay which allows a person to express and learn things they can bring back to the marriage, it can work to have auxiliary relationships in SL.

As for flocking to SL to fill a void, many of us landed there first out of curiosity, with no inkling of the potential for social interaction, and have been surprised to find friendships in our second lives that make our first lives better. Do some people need to uninstall SL and fix what’s wrong in their first lives? Sure. But others are able to strike a balance between the two worlds, given honest communication with both their first life partners and their SL sweethearts.

By: Serious

Serious — Sat, 26 Apr 2008 16:50:47 +0000

Hi there Cindy,

Long time no see. I’m not sure one size fits all here. I am in a happy relationship in RL right now. Things are getting better in fact. I turned to SL when my RL relationship was not as fulfilling but only because of time constraints and busyness.

My partner is working her full time RL job but also getting her PhD. That’s a huge investment. It left me with lots of free time on my hands as she is locked onto her computer, a book, a reading, posting to blackboard, publishing articles, going to conferences for presentations. This is just a part of our reality for now.

We talked about it and realized the kinds of sacrifices we both had to make. I even quit a full time job, got a PT one and now cook most meals and clean house. I finally get to see what our relationship was like early on when she had the PT job and 90% of the household responsibilities. Oooo life was not fair to her.

Having laid that groundwork, when your partner has her head on the pillow and is out at 9 PM or before SL looks like a good alternative. Have I found others to fulfill my emotional needs..yes. Have I found another person at this who is there for me when I need her?.. yes. We have made a commitment to be there as we both have similar situations in RL.

My RL is now getting better as comps are soon and her school life will not be as demanding, at least until the thesis gets hot and heavy. The trick will be for me to pull away from SL, gradually I hope, and share more in our RL relationship. I’ve certainly had a taste of this, as her class was not very demanding this semester.

As always Cindy, you provide an interesting post, as it makes a starting point for a discussion.