The Art of Woo

August 4, 2007 at 3:40 am (Love, Second Life)

Remember your first time? It doesn’t really matter what I’m referring to, the first of any experience often leaves an indelible impression. For some the drug of the newness factor is as intense as any forbidden by Nancy’s nefarious war. And some–like travel junkies, sexual “playuhs (you know who you are!),” and serial relocation artists (um, people who move a lot)–go to great lengths to recreate the experience of their first time.

In my last post I explored the idea that intense sensations were elicited during the get-to-know you phase of a new relationship. I still believe this to be true as I’ve experienced it on a number of occasions. But what happens in a relationship when you’ve learned all there seems to learn? Is someone drunk on the the art of woo to end a relationship solely to pursue a new one in search of their next fix?

In RL, long term relationships bring with them the glorious foundation of deeply held mutual knowledge. You become grounded in the roots of paths intertwined and the comfort of being truly known by another person. And these long term loves, like spouses or partners, help us go to the inner folds of our own psyches so that we may truly do the work necessary to become better people.

But what about SL? Relationships tend to spark and fizzle faster than birthday candles on a cake. I know a friend who seems so addicted to starting and ending flings, he has a new one every other day! I’ve often wondered if he is merely addicted to the woo.

I guess I feel rather unique having my first SL love affair last 7 months. I’ve been told that was unique anyway. But I guess I just hadn’t gotten enough in that period of time. Because, although the woo was as sweet and delicious as anything gets, again it was the real person I wanted to know. And I still had some getting-to-know-you to do.

So, once again, I put it to you my dear readers to answer: Is the landscape of online romance destined to fade as we march off seeking newer and more interesting horizons?



  1. moi said,

    Sweet post!

    The landscape won’t fade as we march off seeking the buzz of the woo. It’ll just become littered with castoff relationships with real people we never really got to know.

    But hey: if the woobuzz is the thing, that doesn’t really matter.

    But but on the other hey: If THIS is what you want (“And these long term loves, like spouses or partners, help us go to the inner folds of our own psyches so that we may truly do the work necessary to become better people.”), you’ll just have to slow down the march.

    Can’t have it all, ya know?

    That’s my answer. FWIW

  2. Trow said,

    This one hurt…yes the newness of being with someone…and the reaction you get if you are both on the same page (sexually, or not)…is as addicting as anything I’ve experienced anywhere…but complicated. What makes it great for me is getting to know that person behind the av in some new way.

    After a few weeks of just total hedonistic exploring, i met a few special friends…and getting to know them was over the top terrific…so I sought out new friends, and got to know them, while still trying to maintain the old…

    And for the first time in SL i was forced to deal with emotional baggage…mine, theirs, and what I perceived to be theirs (the most dangerous of all). And the whole time my ego is being stroked, I’m thinking, wow this is great…no fall out…fun…convenient…but then I realized (too late in some cases) that communication is not always as easy and clear as we think, and my perceptions may have been off, and all of a sudden feelings are hurt…maybe just a little…but this entire euphoric world is dashed into a reality that no matter what we set out to do (fun fun fun..nobody gets hurt…whoopeee!), we can’t control everything…and we have to be willing to compromise. (Continue on for more rambling…sorry all).

    So now, I meet 2 spectacular new friends, ironically at the exact moment your blog is posted, and … I HESITATE to act on it! OMG…My extrovert sl self is becoming my introvert rl self…afraid to take chances…not wanting to offend…trying to keep everyone happy…wondering what SHE would see in ME…maybe I should ditch sl, and just go see a rl shrink! Anyway, thanks again Cindy…for making me think and helping me begin to work through some issues…your blog is a treasure, as are your posters.
    And that’s my answer….(And I like MOI’s better!)

  3. Just me, nothing more said,

    Of course! And here is my opinion on why this is…..

    You can only get to know a person so much through the keyboard. Do you think that person is going to let you know everything about them? Both the good and the bad?

    This is the drawback of the SL relationship. Unless you have the luxury of meeting that someone special in RL, you are limited in your ability to get to really know that person. That limits how far a relationship can go. And what decides where that limit is? The honesty and openness of the person sharing about themselves. Once you reach that limit what more can you learn without them opening up? If they wont open up, then your relationship is over right? Or do you just have to come up with more adventurous and creative ways to keep that flame burning? Well I know what I think, but it takes 2 to tango. The last time i danced by myself, everyone laughed.

    At what point did you 100% know your RL spouse and stop learning new things about them?

    If you are lucky, never. Its what keeps things interesting.

  4. Try Just A Little Bit Harder « The Cindy Kesey Show said,

    […] the woo a couple weeks ago, but merely alluded to the definition at the time. (See my blog post The Art of Woo). So what is it? Put simply, woo is the energy and effort one puts forth in an attempt to gain the […]

  5. How do I Love Thee? « The Cindy Kesey Show said,

    […] a strong magnetic pull between you and your lover, find someone you think is unattainable and woo till the cows come home. If you feel lucky to have snagged him and he thinks himself fortunate to […]

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