Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby

August 20, 2007 at 4:12 pm (Love, Masturbation, Relationships, Second Life, Sex)

Kama Sutra Erotic Statues

Lately I have marveled at the growth in traffic to my blog. At first I was flattered, thinking it was my brilliant repartee and ability to coalesce ideas into interesting blog fodder. But upon further inspection into the traffic drivers, I realized I had made a slight but critical change; I added the tag “sex” to the categories. The traffic has grown steadily since then.

So this got me wondering: what’s the deal with all this interest in online sex, Second Life or otherwise? (To come clear, discussing this also gratuitously heightens the likelihood for even greater blog traffic, but I digress.)

I recall upon my arrival in SL being a bit shocked to see all the focus on sex; the sex clubs, pose balls, erotic clothing, the seemingly constant proposals for sex, and endless offers to make money as an escort. That was of course back when I was a SL newb and the idea of watching cartoon sex seemed rather silly to me. My original impression was echoed recently when I met a new SL inductee who likewise balked at the idea of sex between avatars as he struggled to overcome the seedy, nefarious impression he had of it.

All of the skepticism I had around this topic vanished the moment I enjoyed my first sensual/sexual experience in SL. My partner at the time (another relative newcomer) and I used the sexual pose balls we found in someone’s vacant and well-appointed house. And to our surprise we found it astonishingly titillating to watch our naked cartoons going at it. However it was really the erotic prose that was the driving pulse behind my arousal and it literally knocked my socks (and other, *cough*, clothing items) off. I was in awe at the physical reactions my body experienced as a result of the descriptive words my partner and I typed on the screen.

Ok, so I was hooked. I was thrilled to discover a new totally safe and extremely intense form of sexual fantasy that heightened my own personal and private sexual experiences (um, yes Fox News…I’m talking about masturbation). Yay for me right?

But this is not where the story ends, thankfully. Because, you see, an interesting bi-product of this discovery was that my sex in RL got better too–WAY better. I found that by descriptively typing and literally having to break down every provocative step along the path to climax, I became much more aware of the sexy and subtle–albeit critical–little details that were needed to produce intense arousal and impressive foreplay. And I realized somewhat sadly that I had been missing this level of attention to detail in my sexual experiences with my husband for several years; I’d been going through the motions and wondering why sex had become boring.

I’m happy to report my SL and RL sex life is alive and kicking and I couldn’t be happier about it. But I’m curious: is my experience unique? Have others out there noticed your RL sex lives improve because of your SL sexual escapades?

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5 Comments

  1. Stephane said,

    It’s also a fascinating way to explore fantasies and understand what makes you tick … and also some time to get a deeper understanding of yourself. I find it helped me move along and take a much calmer, serene view of sexuality and fantasies.

  2. VisciousKnid said,

    I’m here to tell ya, I have had a much similar experience. After the birth of our two children, my wife and had experienced the same things other couples had experienced. You are there for the children and “Your” lives get to take a back seat for a while. Second Life has excited both mine and my wife appetite for each other. We went from dining at BK to lavish feasts of unimaginable proportions. Our kitchen is always open and trying new recipes.

  3. Abreojos Barbosa said,

    The intimacy of sharing with someone something you usually do alone is almaot as erotic as RL sex! I’d say second best sex one can experience!

  4. marilyn VanGogh said,

    I’m like a kid in a candy store reading your posts Cindy! Ive just found your writings [obviously] and have now replied to three articles at least!

    I would say the jury is still out for me. Although everything youve said about the ‘stages’ a newbie goes thru as you first come into SL and are frankly uncomfortable with the blatantness and seediness of sex being so prevelent! and “In your Face” it almost seemed like it was a combat sport !

    But as I’ve become more confident and curious and explore more-I’ve had the desire to explore the sexual side – more as a means to upgrade my long distance hubby and I’s already challeneged by war and long distance love life! I think there is also an element of “everyone seems to be doing it ” peer pressure too.

    That aspect wasnt so nice, and a bit off -putting to me and I think it pushed my hubby to do things he otherwise would have waited and felt more comfy doing on his own time schedule. We wound up comparing notes and giggling in sheepish uncomfortable tones about stumbling thru the gamut of sexual proclivities and festishes! There was definitely a titlation and a combined fear that heightend everything.

    My biggest challenge is the often difficult mechanics of communicating and sharing with RL husband due to the distance and lack of RL face to face time. SO much has to be guessed or assumed or simply never comprehended. Thats a strain for sure on top of the above average strain of RL day to day. There are some ‘effects” that I have observed regarding RL enhancement from SL enjoyment.’ That I am not sure if they are positive or not – or stemming for SL/into Rl either. because I’m not sure what their source really is. But overall it is very stimulating and non threatening way to explore other sides of you.

    For instance is my ususally very low sex drive hubby enjoying sex a great deal more now that he has played with several strange but sexy avis? or is it as he suspects tied somehow into surviving yet another firefight or sucessful convoy run””? He says that it is a common side affect with close qtrs teams and such. You feel like youve cheated death!

    His sex drive -and urgency to ‘get off’ is beyond anything I’ve seen in 10 years! But it does me little good from so far away – and I am also still processing – the implications this has towards me. This may be a well known phenomenon in the military or combat world but I don’t know enough about it to say if it is common or already known?

    Its nice to hear that there is the potential for real positive and mutual enhancement for husband and wife! This is sort of like the self image article too. “as above so below” ;^)

  5. Cindy Kesey said,

    Hi Marilyn,

    I’m so happy you have found my writings useful. Second Life is a complex place and I began to write about my experiences there–especially those related to romance–because I just couldn’t find the issues I was confronting well represented in dialogue anywhere on the web. And I knew others were going through much of what I was, but just not talking openly about it. Add in the complexity of navigating RL relationships and you have quite a tossed salad of trouble.

    I’ve noticed in your writing it appears you and your husband struggle to maintain some sense of normalcy while nurturing a long distance relationship. Did I glean that he is in combat somewhere?

    I would love to talk with you more about how you and he are dealing with your lives as they intertwine; both the real and Second ones. If you’d like to connect, please look me up in world or drop me an email at cindykesey@gmail.com.

    And thanks again for your insightful comments and your appreciation of my writing.

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